Hear me out, because this is less of a joke and more of a no shit serious presentation.
Friday around midday I had just finished up jiu jitsu at The Academy, and as typical I called up Frankie to discuss what I had learned and practiced. As is the norm, we had some serious talk on jits, some banter on the weekend, and some yuks about various retarded shit that makes either of us laugh.
“I re-wrote the sports course (Biomechanics 2) and added 10 pages to it,” said Frankie.
I was pretty impressed by that. The sports course is the one Frankie has been most pleased with. I personally believe the pain course was his best work, but I do acknowledge the sports course was fucking solid.
I had been kicking an idea around that week about prep for the upcoming classes this fall.
“Frankie, I have a new lab I want to try…it involves dodgeball.”
Why the fuck does any of this matter?
The first answer that pops to mind is dodgeball is fun as hell, and who doesn’t like that? I do realize a few lame mother fuckers read this page from time to time, and surely the idea of dodgeball takes you back to the humiliating days of PE when you got destroyed after being last choice pick. Look man, at some point you have to move the fuck on….
On the serious side, dodgeball is a game which involves virtually all athletic movements: running, sprinting, cutting, turning, pivot, duck, dip, dodge, and use both lateral and linear movements. It requires you to throw, catch, acquire and track targets, function as a team and survive as an individual. A huge cherry on top is there is a clear winner and loser, which in our 11th place medal society is a lost gem.
Many people own a copy of “Super Training” but few have read it, and of those few even fewer are smarter enough to actually understand what they are reading. Just an opinion of course, but for the few of you who know what I mean you of course know what I mean.
A very excellent and functional definition found there for “Sport” is “A limited collection of movements…” which is almost perfect. See what makes it a sport in terms of the nuts and bolts of mechanics training is not the rules or outcome, but the movements which you use to do it. That is what we subscribe to at least.
Back to dodgeball.
For being “a limited collection of movements,” dodgeball is pretty solid. It requires less technical athleticism then basketball (also a fabulous sport!) and far, far more than Baseball, Football, or Soccer. One of the more distinctive benefits in dodgeball there is not a positional specialization. Everyone on the team needs a certain minimal skill level to survive and succeed.
It is impossible to speak of dodgeball without speaking on the powerful social aspects. Team captains are selected, and from there a draft occurs. A good team captain picks his friends, but a great one picks winners. Correctly rotated, the captain position will over time instill the very useful trait in a young mind of selecting those who are useful based on outcome and results. This would be counter culture to our current state where people are more likely to pick based on who has an the newest Iphone, who has the hippest haircut, or who has the best car. On the Dodgeball court none of these “perks” do shit to secure victory.
What makes a good dodgeball player? Foot work is critical, good hand eye coordination, solid throwing and catching mechanics, aggression, and bravery.
How do you instill these features in a young impressionable mind? It’s simple brozillia, you have them play the fucking game. Take a group of people and have them play this game a few times. By the third game you will see the modern pussification programming wear off, and the winning monkey brain will emerge.
Why bring this up at all?
I have a few reasons of course:
#1 America is the fattest, weakest, slowest country of sissies, basically ever. Don’t even try to point at Navy SEALs, NFL line backers, or Pro Wrestlers. This country is full of weak fucking humans. You know the numbers, not that anyone needs to talk about them. Head to your local anywhere in the fucking country and you will be lucky to see a man with a 32 to 34 inch waist who is over the age of 25. I don’t have a problem with fat people, but I do have a problem with a nation of fat people who forgot how to physically achieve.
#2 Our childern are the worst generation to be shat out to this world in a long time. Look man, I don’t have kids. I am not going to have kids. I have no issue with those who you have kids. I have a problem with the systemic declawing of kids in America today. Left to their own devices, little kids are sort of assholes by modern standard. They are very good at pointing out those who don’t cut the mustard, those who are weak, those who are different. That is called “useful” in virtually any situation involving life or death. A kid is pretty good at picking winners and losers left to their own process.
What is modern society doing to kids? Stripping them of this natural born talent! Allow me to share a story. I have very, very few stories of little kids being that I am never around them, but a few come to mind. One day I was enjoying a fine Chipotle bowl and I noted a mother and son seated across the room from me. I will guess the boy was 8 or 9 years old. A women entered the store with a disabled man who I am guessing was her son. The little boy pointed at the disabled man and said “Mom, look at him. He is messed up!” to which the mother looked appalled and instantly admonished the child. “No, he is not messed up, he is disabled! You should respect him!”
You know what, No need to pander for new friends. Here we go.
No, the boy shouldn’t respect him. He is a fucking stranger, and he is different. Personally I think it is the best interest of any given child to not respect strangers, and to have a general fuck off attitude to them. IF I have a kid, that is what you need expect from them. Any kid I come in to contact with I will try to instill three ideas – question authority, distrust strangers, and be the best you can be. Out of three, at least one of those will stick.
I see I have digressed, back to dodgeball and kids.
Our kids needs some social violence. They need athletic skills. They need to learn to work together. They need to learn to function and excel as individuals. Dodgeball is a microcosm of these characteristics.
#3 Read the above paragraph, which can be applied to adults verbatim. YOU need all of those too.
So back to the interesting part, Frankie and I are planning this fucking thing out. I have a series of experiments I want to see and they will all come to pass. I want you to try these out too.
First step, get your group of friends together and play a 10 minute game of dodgeball. Film it.
Step two, review all core athletic movements.
Step three, drill the movements you are not so special at.
Note: for my crossfitting buddies, the shit you do in the box are not core athletic movements…even though you have been told it was. I am sorry to be the one to tell you that snatching a barbell and doing kipping pull ups is not what they said it was. Functional fitness is rarely sold as what it could be….Blame the system bro, blame them!
Step four, play again. Marked improvement is on the horizon.
Step five, repeat.
Is this something?
Maybe. Maybe not. Considering you are reading this for free, you have no basis for complaining.
Many people today have completely gave up on their body. A small sliver of the population, about 7% exercises. Of those 7%, less then 2% actually do more then “cardio” or “lifting” for fitness. Think I’m missing some people? Do the fucking math my friend…You’ll see.
There is a reason so many of you dude bro’s are gaylords for Peyton Manning and Brett Farve…it’s the athletics. Rather than sit on your fat pathetic ass this year, why not take up a sport yourself? Of course you will not rival your beloved football heros, but you will be far more bad ass then you are right now. That is pretty awesome.
If I have sold you on a sport, maybe dodgeball will be the one. Your broke knees and back will not survive the grid or a basketball court but maybe, just maybe…
you can dodge a ball.