- Commercial gyms
- Those pads that go around a barbell so people with no upper back, trap, rear delt muscles or correct technique can squat without ‘hurting themselves’
- Trainers who don’t train themselves.
- Trainers who don’t have and/or employ better/more experienced/more qualified trainers as mentors and coaches.
- Trainers who don’t squat or dead lift.
- People who have not had a legit PR in the last 2 years of training.
- The guys who work at supplement stores
- People who want shit for free!
- Girls who want to ‘tone’
- Guys who want to tone!!
- The lat pull down machine
- Lifting straps unless the bar is loaded with +400kgs and you doing reps, BUT only then!
- People who don’t read, seriously WTF!!
- Internet warriors and key board ninjas!
- Guys who try pick up girls at gym when the girls are there to train and try and achieve something.
- Girls who try pick up guys at gym (that’s just some scary shit right there)
- The fact that no where in my home town can I get a healthy nutrient packed meal on the go
- The price of Quinoa… I was eating this stuff 8 years ago and it was as cheap as chicken feed, now it’s the ‘IN’ thing so the price has increased by more than triple.
- Guys who claim awesome and/or world class lifts, yet its not on you tube, no body witnessed it and it happened on a leap year during a full moon ect ect ect.
- Which brings me to my next point. If it’s not on you tube it did not happen.
- Guys, who train to get chicks, work on your personality, ego, manners and sincerity it will help you much more I promise.
- Inspired by my good buddy the delightful Adam Glass: The word ‘combat’ used in any exercise or training program. Sorry folks unless your are getting shot at, throwing grenades and pulling out pieces of shrapnel from your ass you are not in combat! Training no matter how tough and intense is only training, afterwards you get to give a few high 5’s and hit the showers but on the other hand REAL combat and warfare is a totally different matter.
- People who ‘don’t have any time’ I know its tough finding time to achieve your goals when you watch 2 hour reruns of Grey’s anatomy and play angry birds for 3 hours every day.
- Power bracelets
- Brand name whores (Tap-out, Under Armour, affliction ect etc)
- People who wear lifting belts around their hips like a gun slingers holsters.
- Girls who are scared of ‘bulking up’ in the gym. That’s right blame the weights not the cake and ice cream.
- People who have to celebrate something every @#$%ing day with excessive food consumption. Weddings, birthdays, promotions, holidays, Mondays, Tuesdays….
- Calorie counters
- ‘Bodybuilders’ who don’t compete, therefore don’t need to diet, therefore who are fat!
- The string bean with abs. Seriously at 60kgs who the @#$% cares.
- The fat girl with expensive designer clothes. See above point
- That guy we all know who always tells us how he ‘used’ to be big, strong and date super models. Dream on my son.
- Fighters who think than when they do a crash weight cut of 10kgs for a fight and they will somehow magically have that same strength and power they did when they were10kgs heavier?!!? Sorry guys its not going to happen.
- People who tell me that drinking my humble double espresso with no sugar or milk is unhealthy, when they binge eat, drink excessive alcohol and fornicate in an unsafe fashion.
- The weatherman on the news! Is that his full time job for real or what? It’s always bothered me.
- Adult men who eat children’s cereals for breakfast. Grow up and eat like a man please!
- Anything and everything trendy.
- Women who scream at the ref and or the players during a rugby game. I’m sorry have you ever played the game?? Ever tackled someone? Ever caught a ball? No!
- Guys who are arm chair rugby experts. I personally don’t know more than the coaches or pro players because if I did I’d be there myself and guess what you are not there either so pipe down.
- Kipping pull-ups. At my gym we have a name for these, Cheating pull-ups ya I know we funny like that.
- Running shoes with heels. See vibrams ect
- People who think that they first have to feel ‘amazing’ on top of the world, ‘fearless’ ect etc before they achieve something. Thank you Mike Mahler for this gem.
- People who don’t have time to prepare and cook. See point 23.
- Guys who lie to themselves that they don’t want more muscular arms. Haha! That’s like saying you don’t want an extra 3 inches or 500k per month.
- Guys who quote the infamous line: “I don’t wanna get big bru” As if it’s that easy and it could happen just by some mistake.
- Skinny jeans: The cure to these abominations is heavy barbell squats. God willing after a few months you won’t have to worry about ever fitting into these things again.
- Guys who wear tweed jackets?? WFT are we on the set of ‘dead poets society’ or something?
- People who poke me on face book (unless you are a hot female that’s just a bit weird)
- Everything I need to buy is somehow R1000, R10 000 or R100 000. How does that work?
- There is STILL no VIDA café in Ballito!
Holy shit that made me laugh – ATG
{ 15 comments }
hahaha! Awesome shit man! That made me laugh as well! Funny, I can Relate to ALL of EM!!!! too bad that the world in this day & age has come to this BS! Kids of today are getting dumber, lazier & weaker (BOTH mentally & physically) then ever… It’s a bitch man, but what can you do about it ha?
#47 is my fave. After 7 months of not being able to stand properly and thus not do squats, I appreciate squats more than ever.
The real fruit loopy part about skinny jeans is that no male, no matter how small his frank and beans, would ever be able to wear a pair without either a) tucking or b) wearing it halfway down their asses with their underwear and/or butt cracks hanging out. “Lookin’ like a fool with yo pants on the ground….”
Fuck a skinny jeans.
Hey T. Nice post. And that’s only right now! Wait till the next 51.
With 3 kids I indulge in pop tarts and capt crunch. I won’t lie, I’d eat those anyway!
1) Quinoa
2) Anything Arthur Jones
3)”Experienced” trainers who don’t know what the Olympic lifts are much less how to do them or how to teach them.
4) “Boot Camps” gym classes
5) “Tactical” anything (except for tactical bacon) http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/c399_tactical_canned_bacon.jpg
6) Four Hour anything
That is funny shit. I hate skinny jeans too, there is something very wrong about I guy wearing jeans his girlfriend couldn’t get into.
Seeing a post by a fellow South African on this site is too awesome – worlds are colliding, bru!!!!!! One of my pet peeves is that all the cool stuff that the Yanks and Euro guys have easy access to is either simply not available, or marked up to four or five times the price – case in point: paying through your hol if you want to import CoC grippers…
Nathan, get yourself a Vulcan gripper from David Horne if you don’t have one already. He mails it from the UK so it’s way cheaper than trying to buy something from the States.
Thanks for the advice, Chris! My brother brought me some CoC’s from overseas recently, a #1, #2, and #3. Now I’m stuck in the limbo of mashing the #1 like I’m getting paid for it, and not being able to do much with either of the others…
I’ve now got a Vulcan on my wish-list (saving up for it as we speak); I’d like to also get a set of “thumb screws” at the same time to make the cost of shipping a bit more worthwhile, and by my maths, that comes to about R1000… point #50 is a bitch (:
My friend one thing South Africans need to accept quickly is that things cost $$$ yes it may cost us South Africans a bit more to get a few grippers thanks to the shipping but in reality what do grippers cost? few hundred bucks? that is way less than what the average South african with a job spends on the weekend. Grippers and grip gadgets are actually cheap its the bigger shit that hits us hard like imported power racks, prowlers ect BUT i still believe these are worth it. If you really want something you will pay for it. I’m getting a power rack for well over 10 grand because its worth it.
So basically you’re saying I’ve been spoiled by all the years of drinking cheap Windhoek quarts… you may have a point.
Great (and honest) post. Yer funny stuff! Seriously. though, I fought a lot of Karate matches that aren”t available on Youtube. Did they happen? You bet!
Being fashionable isn’t lame
Being lean and light isn’t a problem for some people
Straps are fine, dead lifts work a hell of a lot more then the grip
Getting in shape for women is completely understandable, I won’t date someone whose fat and I expect women to be in decent shape
I’m 65kg, but I’ve managed to become relatively strong with 30 chins up, and a 158.76kg deadlift being my best movements. These have dropped since I’m in season and a majority of my training consists of running now, but skinny guys can be strong as hell.
Christian, ProTan poisoning is serious stuff buddy. I’d stop throwing abshots in the mirror and get to a doctor ASAP if I were you.
Yip you right being fashionable is not lame, being a brand whore on the other hand and living vicariously through what the brand represents is super lame!
Straps are lame sorry bud.
Never said anything worng with being lean just having a 6 pack at that weight is a given and not an achievement (fact )
Nothing wrong with chicks working out I thing you missed that one by a mile.
Captain Crunch and Life cereals are awesome.