Man Skills: How to Be Awesome At Everything In Your Life Vol I.

Most people stop to compliment me on three things day to day.

• My superior dress & grooming skills: hair, beard, vibrams and karate pants
• My likeness to actor Bradley Cooper (in fact people should be telling him he looks like Adam T Glass)
• My general usefulness in situations requiring knowledge of T Rex hunting, defeating James Bond, famous villains, and 1980′s life lessons

I am now here to make your life more awesome.

Personal Style:

Grow a Fucking Beard.

That beard tells you that guy is fucking useful in dangerous situations such as T Rex hunting

The beard is the mark of honor among vikings, firemen, and lumberjacks. What do those three kinds of men have in common? They are all dangerous and all use AXES.

People know that having someone around with an ax is helpful if shit goes down. Maybe you need a tree chopped down, or a car torn apart, or a village burned to the ground. In any event they will be feeling much safer with you and your mighty beard around to help out if required.

In short, having a beard is awesome, and it will make your life 3X more awesome.

Get Rid of Your Fat Ass: Buy Grip and Rip 2.1 Now and get away from the god damn treadmill. If you want to walk for fitness start persistence hunting animals in Africa. By the way hunting animals in Africa is pretty awesome.

Get an Awesome Hat: Hats are part of being awesome. Famous men with hats include Bill “The Butcher” Cutting from Gangs of New York, Inspector Gadget, Dick Tracy, and Eric Cartman. Having a trusty hat at the ready will ensure you are ready to tackle any task from a late night beer run, to early morning grand theft auto.

Beard + Fire Arms Instructor Hat = Awesome

I rock my fire arms instructor CATM red hat when I am out and about. People ask me “why do you wear that god damn thing?” I always answer with a question.

“Do you know what kind of man wears a red hat?”

“No”

“A Man who doesn’t give a fuck”

That is awesome.

Upgrade Your Wheels: That civic is not awesome. Your hybrid is not awesome. Need a hint on what is awesome?

The Tumbler BatMobile- That is AWESOME

It makes all other cars look like 90 lbs weaklings

This thing is armored, fast, has a variety of weapon systems, it can jump, it can run through walls, and can parallel park on a dime. I don’t know much more than that, but come on. This article is about awesome not about car specs.

Your Tattoo: tattoos are scars with ink in them. They don’t mean shit, as I explained in great detail HERE. What they are is interesting and awesome. Some people don’t get them because they fear pain, that is a big no go in my book of awesome. Pain is not something to fear. It does not hurt, and even if it does for you it’s only for a few seconds at a time.

Some people don’t get them because they wonder “what will it look like when I am 70?” My answer is you will be shitting your pants when you are 70. We will not judge you by your tattoos we will judge you by the foul stench of your poopy pants. By the way, old people who know they shit their pants but still go to the store- I think that is awesome.

Every person needs one tattoo that looks like really good, and one that looks really bad. Ironic is a better word. When I see a big sloppy fat fuck who has “Sexy” tattooed on his 60″ belly, I think that is awesome.

Life Style:

Meals and fine dining: If I had to make any meal better I would add any two of the following items: a hand gun, hot sauce, a sword, a monkey butler in a tuxedo, 10,000 dead Persians, or spent .50 brass.

Concerning the meal itself try to achieve at least 1 lbs of meat. Vegetables are not awesome. Kids do not run home for lettuce, they run home for steaks and hamburgers. You want a more awesome meal? More meat is part of the equation.

God Damn Right

Your Friends: Befriend as many weirdos as possible. Normal people are certainly not awesome, and typically only have normal stories. Weird people have weird stories, and usually more interesting interactions with the rest of the world.

In order to make more awesome friends, you need to move away from your boring ass job. Sitting at a desk in a 20 story building is pretty lame. If all the people you know also sit in desks that only increases the lame. Additionally your friends should have a wide range of hobbies. Want to feel the lame? Go to a golf course. Want to feel the awesome? Go to a 5 Finger Death Punch Concert. You need a few friends who are very smart, and a few who are kind of dumb. All dumb together is a master piece disaster waiting to happen.

Your Hobbies: We are going to upgrade your choice of hobbies. Select any two of the following and insert them in to your life ASAP: river boat gambling, sky diving, crocodile hunting, cocaine trafficking, bounty hunting, formula 1 race car driving (driving, not watching!) bouncing with Dalton at the Road House, fighting intelligent machines in a future war with Jon Connor, splicing single frames of pornography in to family films, cloning dinosaurs, pioneering an underground boxing club, street vigilante, extreme snow boarder, surfing with sharks, or hop scotch. Wait, I am not sure on the last one.

Anyways, pick two of the above and get going. No one gives a rats ass about your fantasy football league (that’s Dungeons and Dragons for grown folk in my book) but you will turn heads every time when they find out you’re a dinosaur cloning, street vigilante who traffics china white from Canada.

Your Interests: Sports, Cars, Money, Women– All of these are fucking blah blah blah. Not that they are not cool, but everyone else is already talking about it. We will redefine this now. Your only sport is hunting human beings in the mountains of Montana, your car is the god damn bat mobile, you make all your money gambling on the mississippi , and you know the Game. That shit is awesome.

That is all for volume 1. In the future I will increase your awesome ten fold. Take what you have learned here and apply it immediately.