Editors Note: Dave wanted to share this secret with you, but be careful who you tell it to. No need to have the DPRK agents poking around in your garbage cans later this week.
Many of you have seen my progress, now it’s time to share my secrets.
In April of 2010 I took a clandestine trip to the far east. I told only my two closest friends and immediate family. The risks were high, but the potential pay-off was worth the cost.
My Shanghai contacts secured safe travel through the mountains and located a landing zone. I would be required to make a high altitude, low opening jump to meet with the greeting party. I was instructed to bring a peace offering consisting of three pairs of Levies jeans, a Michael Jackson Thriller cassette tape, a Big Mac super size meal, and a poster of the “Bay Watch” super star David Hasselhoff. I was warned unconditionally the meeting was off if the poster was not delivered safe and sound.
I had been invited behind enemy lines into North Korea.
Colonel Ling Hong Chong, the chief instructor to the “Beloved Leader Kim Jong-Il’s People’s Democratic Republic of Korea Military readiness and strength training program” (Yes I was required to recite that verbatim each time we spoke) had invited me to train with his most elite lifters and learn the secrets of their training regime. His promise was to arm me with the most advanced strength training techniques in the world.
Col Chong was very specific as we trained. He detailed the history of the program and it’s origins. Col Chong explained how Russians claimed to have the most advanced training information in the world, but “often Russians tend to lie about training when questioned”. He assured me the Beloved Leader Kim Jong-Il added over 700kg (that’s a staggering 1,540lbs, WOW) to his deadlift using this exact program. Col Chong further detailed the Beloved Leader invented exercise and fitness, was the first man to PR everyday, tamed the Beast (claimed he did it the same night he drank 100 shots of Whiskey), could run a 1 minute mile, beat Chuck Norris in a TKD tournament and has Won the Crossfit games every year since 1977. Needless to say, I was impressed.
The Beloved Leader- Super athlete, worlds smartest man, and 45 time award winner of "best dressed man ever" in the North Korean edition of GQ
Training with Col Chong’s unit was no laughing matter. Pretty much each day looks like the CrossFit games but with less injury. After watching them I saw a lot of ripped material from Logan’s Kettlebell Juggling and Art of Hand Balancing DVDs, but Col Chong claimed every step of the way these were all inventions of the Beloved Leader. After three days I was tired of arguing with him. During a lunch break on the fifth day he stated Kim Jong-Il taught the Grip and Rip 2.1 workshop and Adam was simply a product of special effects and “Capitalistic black magic” I found the more he talked, the closer I was to needing to gett the hell out of there.
Getting out the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea was every bit was exciting as it was getting in, but I will share that story later. Short answer, it took every bit of intelligence, cunning, and bribery I could muster. Those Korean boarder check points are suckers for 1982 cassette tapes…
Immediately after my return I went full retard with the Beloved Leaders program.
I was not expecting to net a several hundred kilo improvement, but I figured it would work. Thirty days in to His Excellence Kim Jong-Ils programs, I set a new deadlift PR by adding 20lbs to my already significant 500lb deadlift at a body weight of 177lbs. I must add I am still vastly inferior to the Beloved Leader as He easily triples 1,000 kg at a body weight of 63kg. He is taller than me too, Col Chong explained that in detail.
This is the EXACT programming I used. Now you can use it as well. I figured you capitalist dogs would do well to see the superior nature of the Beloved Leaders programming. This program must be executed at a 103% compliance rate. Failure to do so will result in you being drafted in to the honorable service of the copper mines North of Pyongyang in order to secure more wealth for the glory of Peoples country. In many places that is still considered the highlight of a mans life…
All weights are in percentage of current 1 rep max.
| day 1 | 77% x 1 81% x 1 85% x 1 89% x 2-1 |
| day 2 | 81% x 2-2-2-2-2 |
| day 4 | 81% x 4-4 |
| — | |
| day 11 | 83% x 1 93% x 1-1-1-1 |
| day 12 | 83% x 4 |
| – | |
| day 15 sumo | 45% x 5 63% x 5 75% x 3-2-2-2 |
| day 18 | 81% x 7-5 |
| – | |
| day 21 | 85% x 3-4-2 |
| day 23 | 81% x 1 87% x 2-2-1 |
| day 25 | 81% x 6-6-4 |
| – | |
| day 28 | 83% x 1 91% x 1 89% x 1 |
| day 29 | deficit 63% x 9 63% x 10 |
| day 30 | deficit 75% x 4 77% x 2-2 81% x 2-2 |
| day 31 | 95% x 2 102% x 1 104% x 1 |
The beloved leader is not pleased with “such a minor improvement of only 9kg” but I am happy with it.
Honestly the awesome of my pull was slightly tarnished by rumors of Col Chongs removal and disappearance. It is rumored the thriller cassette tape was to be delivered directly to Kim jong-il, but the Col was found zombie dancing in his office.
Kim Jong-il proclaimed zombie dancing illegal with a harsh punishment that very morning.
Do this in North Korea and you are proper fucked
Lesson learned…
Bottom line, don’t believe everything you read. While the beloved leader easily lifts 800+kg, you and I are simply mere mortals.
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How many beers where harmed during the production of this blog post?
Ron, I don’t need to drink to be this awesome. I am naturally this retarded day to day
Fulgo like North Korean dictatorship and exciting tale of Thriller and Levis 501. In big jeans, Fulgo is living large. What is up with all of reference to ‘do as they say or you are killinged?’ Fulgo come from long way out to watch USA baseball and lift weights in sweaty sex box. Is Flex magazine a joke here in Twin Cities? Think not I. I train my liftings without listening to you, airborne funny man. Fulgo kick ass and make list of names to check twice at upcoming deadlifting contest. Beware of me in USA!
I call that being at 11
Great, I’ll get on that program right away sir.
Two questions though
1. What day of the week did you start this red power program on?
2. I weigh 183lbs right now, should I lose 6lbs before I start?
3. What music where you listening to while training?
4. What day of the week did you start this red power program on?
5. Do you think this would work with the bench press because deadlifts don’t do shit for my pack and gunz.
1. Tuesday.
2. You may go ahead and begin the program, but of course if you do not have the same results it is because you didn’t follow it exactly.
3. George Michael
4. I already told you, Tuesday.
5. You’ll have to do a different program. This is the Beloved Leader’s programming for the superior deadlift.
So you say Tuesday but today is Monday. I want to start today so I’ll start on day 6 since that is your first Monday.
I don’t have any George Michael’s music, I am going to listen to Cat Stevens.
Normally I train MMA on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. When those days come up and I’m supposed to be lifting should I do my MMA practice first or third?
I don’t have a calculator, could you do the math for me? My max bench press is 128lbs.
Let me suggest P90X.
Oh for chest pack and gunz you need to super set cable cross overs with cable standing double curls. 10lbs is all that is required. More importantly you need a cut off shirt, TAP OUT shorts, an IPOD, Sun glasses, gloves, unlaced combat boots or 200 dollar nikes, tribal tattoos, and a big gold chain. the size of the gold chain will predict your gains. Now put on some oil (of course on the chest, pack, and gunz) and walk past the treadmill that the girl is on 5 times while staring until she looks uncomfortable. Thats really just the code sign for “you’re awesome” Now go to the cable cross over and start ripping out reps while screaming “Yeah!, Yeah! I’m a warrior! Fuck yeah!”
If anyone is still working and not staring at you now, that means your volume is still too low. Super set in the curls and demand spotters on each arm.
watch this clip, it will teach you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHJmcPp_fpg
Also– every minute of training should be coupled with 10 minutes just talking about training. Dont worry, there will be other Dude Brahs in there blitzing Chest Pack and Gunz too, and they will always find you to tell you how fucking amazingly awesome your last set was. Now go get after it!
Thank you Adam. I don’t have a cable crossover, could I use the TRX?
I literally had brain cells committing suicide while watching that (in manly fashion, by hara-kiri).
What I really want to know is where can I get the weights he was using? I mean, there were some shots of a barbell with what must be some secret new ultra-dense lead to have to flex like that. Talk about space saving. Two little plates and you’re screaming in pain and flexing everything just to stay upright.
Ow…another brain cell just died in defiance of that though…ow…dammit…ow….
Does this program work better with a shaved head? Also, how can I get taller? Will this help? Is the yeti diet appropriate for this program?
The pants you wear make a far greater difference than hair.
To get taller, you must specifically work on being taller. Try hanging by your feet, and then pulling yourself to the floor with a rope.
Results may vary with any diet that does not consist of ice cream 4-6 days per week.
20 lbs in 30 days, sign me up! Oh wait, I am signed up.
Yeah, frequency and volume don’t matter if you want to get better—ahhahaha.
Is it just me or does Kim Jong look a bit like Lewis Black there? Hmmm
Rock on
Mike T Nelson PhD(c)
http://www.ExtremeHumanPerformance.com
My secret’s out. I did learn how to juggle kettlebells and do handstand from the Koreans.
Commies and libtards: 100 % bullshit.
Come again
Commies and libtards: 100% bullshit.
Dave
that made me laugh man good shit , that video adam posted of warrior training was priceless what a fucking knob that warrior was you guys crack me up man that was funny
dont linger long on that one. You simply have to accept it and move on…
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