I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.
—Bruce Lee
A lot of people quote Bruce Lee because they think it makes them look smart or tough or whatever. I quote Bruce because I think it makes him look smart. I’m no martial artist, but I do recognize truth and wisdom when I see them.
A few months ago I made the goal that in 2010, I would snatch and press two 48 kilo kettlebells. This is a big, but achievable goal. I knew it would take a lot of smart training to get there, but that I could do it. (still working on it…)
You might be thinking, “That is going to be really impressive.” I have some news: it’s not that impressive. Not to everyone. It all depends on where you’re standing.
Perspective and backgrounds
I have tremendous respect for Jeff O’Connor, one of the Senior RKCs. He is extremely humble and incredibly strong. On a thread on the RKC instructor forum once, everyone was talking about perspective. Jeff said–I’m paraphrasing–that he came from a world where nobody would be too impressed by someone pressing double beasts (48 kilo kettlebells).
I looked at that and I thought of my goal and I laughed out loud. Jeff O’Connor comes from a strongman background. He can also press the 48s in a sots press! (out of a squat!) It made total sense to me: he comes from a world where men press hundreds of lbs overhead, so of course they wouldn’t be that impressed by the feat of a grown man pressing 212 lbs overhead.
Where are you standing?
Your pullup total might never impress a gymnast. Your bench might always suck compared to a powerlifter. Your guard might never impress Fedor. Your mile time won’t intimidate a marathon runner. Your deadlift won’t scare anyone competing in the World’s Strongest Man competitions.
But so what?
One day you’ll be dead. That is a fact. Do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to outdo others, or to outdo yourself? Maybe nobody is impressed by what you can do, and why should they be? They should be worrying about their progress and you worry about your own.
We can encourage each other. We can inspire each other. But we can only make our own progress, and everyone’s progress is worthwhile. Better is better. The end.
Progress is precious and time is limited. Do not get caught up in everyone else’s numbers. Someone’s numbers will always crush your own.
Who cares? Take care of you first. Follow no one. That’s how you’ll be able to be of the most benefit to others.
Remember:
I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.
Josh Hanagarne
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photo credit: Kent Mercurio
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It’s also easier and more fun to benchmark against yourself and measure your own progress in beating your own achievements.
Benchmarking against others isn’t just pointless (unless you’re an Olympic athlete), it’s difficult because the standard is constantly changing. Guinness publishes a new world record book every year. There’s always someone beating the old record. The only way to “win” is to beat yourself.
There is a lot going on with this observation.
The most successful people i know are always working to best themselves, no one else. The wealthiest man i have personally met stacks his current year to his last, not his competitions or his friends
If anyone is looking at the next guy or gal to make themselves feel better…well you are not going to find much relief in that search
Actually, I think it’s harder to benchmark against yourself..I’m far harder on myself than others are on me. I expect a lot more from myself- of course I do, it’s ludicruous and narcissistic to expect anyone else to expend energy on divining my potential and setting standards for me!
I do know that if I’d listened to what other people told me was possible or achievable (even those with the best of intentions) I’d never have accomplished what I have over the past five years.Everyone’s advice and instinct is tainted by their own experiences or prejudices. I’m happy with myself because I reach my standards.
Great post Josh!
Nothing wrong with high expectations of ones self- all successful people do this. The problem IMO is when the high expectations because unrealistic expectations.
Josh,
Wisdom!
“Do not get caught up in everyone else’s numbers. Someone’s numbers will always crush your own.” is the most insightful statement i have come across today. I will sure make reference to it for years to come.
Thanks.
Christopher thanks for dropping in
Josh,
Great article. Be the best you can be.
I remember reading a story from Franco Columbu:
CULTURE SHOCK
When I first came over to the United States from Europe, I was the world powerlifting champion, so I was the strongest guy–as far as I knew. I remember one day at Gold’s I was training chest, and I do bench press first and then incline bench press. I put on 315 and try to get eight or 10 reps on the incline. I wasn’t as strong in incline as I was in bench, but on my last set I always wanted to do 405 because I wanted my upper pecs to stick out. I get on the bench and I can barely take it off from the rack and I go up and down and I remember getting three or four reps–really struggling.
Then [gym strongman] Steve Marjanian comes in and says, “Can I train with you?” I said, “Yeah. I’ll help you take the weight off.” I thought we’d have to remove a plate or something. But he says, “No, no. That’s OK. You can just leave it there.” I’m thinking OhhhK. He gets on the bench and he does eight reps–twice as much as I did! I go over to Arnold and I ask, “How can that guy be so strong?” Arnold says to me, “He’s not the strongest. There are many people stronger than him!”
Awesome.
josh that is a great article and could not have been said any better. So often we forget what really matters enjoy the ride and be thankful for the chance to get better everyday and have fun doing it , what is better than that another gem josh thanks for sharing
another gem from Sigung Lee “what level of mediocrity are you willing to settle for”
lol
good stuff mate
Weight is just a number. It is important to the person doing it. It should not be to someone else unless in competition. All that being said……. It is hard to accept that .
I know Harlan, I’m trying to take my own advice as well:)
Even in competition, for the weight sports and most others you are working to best yourself. If you only wanted to beat others you could go to the local HS and lift against the freshman. You would outlift them, and find no enjoyment. measure against yourself.
Nice post.
Perhaps Bruce Lee did say that somewhere along the way, but I suspect Friz Perls of Gestalt Therapy fame said it first (in 1969) as part of a longer statement of social autonomy called the “Gestalt Prayer”. Of course, Bruce had his hand in all sorts of disciplines and was reputed to have read widely, so no surprise that he would have known Perls’ work.
The full “Gestalt Prayer” goes,
“I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.”
I’m going to look that gent up, Randy, thanks.
His books “In and Out of the Garbage Pail” and ” Gestalt Therapy Verbatim” are classics.
I like that.
Funny to me, so many of Lees quote related to individualism, independence, self worth, and self discovery. The people i hear quote him most often are rigid followers who question nothing and obey everything.
A local TKD blackbelt tells me “be like water, you know like Bruce”…as he practices form #7 for the 3rd hour in a row. Some people never fucking get it.
I need to keep this in mind, thank you
Great post, Josh, this is gonna get bookmarked for reference and mental refreshment, along with your “Dear Weakness…” post from WSL. Perpetual Progress is changing my physical world and you, my friend, are really helping my mental one.
Also, if you see this Randy, I’m gonna be hunting down some Friz Perls myself now, thanks for the pointer.
Awesome post Josh!
Good points raised I think, because we’re all striving to be better, and thats good. Will any of us set world records? Maybe? Will any of continue to beat our current bests? YES!
Watching Olympic lifters and gymnasts I know I am unlikely to beat their feats, but my goal is to progressively get closer and closer in the areas I want to excel at, if I only hit 75% of a world record then so be it, but it’d still put me in the top 0.0001% in a world full of lazy slobs!
I will bust up some records, make no mistake. Some of us need to raise the bar.
Go as far as you can go. The message here is not aim low, never miss. Its aim high, reach as far as you can. Just dont get butt hurt if someone is reaching farther faster.
You very well could be the best in the world at something Kris, you just need to find out what it is.
TKD……… Kata’s…….. Vertical death.
Josh,Great post.Your right .If I tried to match or outlift everyone I read about I would kill myself in the process.I have goals I want to reach for myself,no one else.
Expectations are a funny thing. Tough not to let them turn into entitlement or limitation. Hard to plan a course without them. Great post!
Josh/Adam,
Are Adam’s biofeedback videos still available for viewing, or have those been taken down? Thanks.
Boris
Boris, they’ll be coming back in a different format, sooner rather than later. Feel free to contact me Boris if you want to talk.
Boris contact me this weekend
You guys sound like a bunch of philsophers! I would know, I am one. What I love about all the folks here is that you actually live by it. No armchair philosophers here. It’s refreshing. Tugs at the old heartstrings. And there’s other groups of people out there that are into different things altogether, but talk the same way about what they are doing. And thus, my faith in humanity is restored.
I dislike philsophers- bring me more scientists. I do not need people round me who believe they can think they around problems and issues, I need people who are willing question, test and retest– I need ACTION.
We are built to act, not think all day. Ponder this- what is the sound of a 500lbs deadlift dropping to the floor? I will go test this afternoon
Btw Adam, how about making a FAQ about biofeedback?
That is a great quote. I feel that if you are one of the “look at me people” and try and impress others you are only hurting yourself. I am the guy off in the corner, rarely talking to people, listening to my music (ok I do headbang as I workout) and doing my thing and I like it that way.
And of course aknowledging the stupidity of those who fall in the first section…
Of course…also acknowledging that just because someone works at a gym does not make them an expert, for proof may I remind you of the “chalk” incident (still cracks me up)
The chalk incident will make an awesome blog post- the difference between motivation and capability such an outstanding example
Thank you Josh
Beautifully stated!
It is an amazing gift
to allow, remind, and help
an individual to be themselves
Here’s to you and here’s to me
I am glad i am not you and i glad you are not me:)
-ck
Craig, I do want to be you. I’ve never been able to grow a beard.
Touché:)
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